When Holidays Don't Go As Planned: Thank You Ovarian Cyst

So last week was Thanksgiving, and to say that things did not go according to plan would be an understatement. Our original plans were to go to my in-laws house and all we were responsible for cooking was a homemade Mac and cheese that we love. The plan was to have a very relaxing day and just spend time with our kiddos and in-laws. My mother in law has a little Christmas tree that she lets the kids decorate; its totally separate from her big elaborately decorated tree that she has each year. And then we were going to watch Elf on their projector outside with chocolate milk. 

We were already feeling heavy from some emotional pain regarding extended family on my side but wanted to focus on the kids and having a slow day with good food. The week had been covered in prayer and had many people also surrounding us in prayer just due to difficult family dynamics that feel painful, but are exaggerated on a holiday. Personally when things feel heavy it makes me want to turn inward and upward. I want to look up to God and put my trust in him and turn inward towards my husband and kids. Depending on what your comfort level is with medical things you may not want to continue reading so I am giving you a fair warning. None of it is too intense but I just thought I’d give everyone an out if they’d like. 

The week before Thanksgiving I had been experiencing symptoms of a UTI so I did a teledoc appointment where they recommended that I go to Urgent Care to rule out a kidney infection. So I headed to Urgent Care where they did find that I had UTI, I’d also been experiencing sharp pelvic pain on my right side for a few weeks so we talked about the possibility of an ovarian cyst (I have had many before and recognize the symptoms) but since we knew I had a UTI we decided to start with antibiotics and I would keep an eye on the pelvic pain. I’d been on the antibiotics for three days and was still experiencing symptoms as well as a low grade fever so I knew I would have to go see my primary doctor. 

The following Tuesday morning I went to see my primary (this was two days before Thanksgiving) and she thought we could do another round of antibiotics to be on the safe side but also wanted me to do a pelvic ultrasound because the pelvic pain and the pain I experienced during her physical exam overlapped with a UTI. I was actually able to get an ultrasound scheduled the next day and got the results very quickly. It showed a blood filled 1.6cm cyst on my right ovary. Part of me was relieved that we knew what the pain was from but she recommended I follow up with my OB to see if it would need to be drained and called in pain medicine for me to have over the weekend. I was grateful that she stayed after the office closed to talk to me and make sure I had medicine to manage the pain because at this point it was very persistent. 

Wednesday night I could not sleep, I was up most of the night rolling around in pain. It felt like my stomach was constantly tightening up and then twisting (picture ringing out a towel, my stomach felt like the towel). In some ways it reminded me of labor because my stomach would tighten and twist and then relax for a few moments before it started all over again. The pain medicine did not help at all. Finally at about 2am I was able to get a little bit of rest and prayed that Thursday I could just rest on the couch at our house and then my in-laws and make it through to Monday when I could call my OB. Thursday was no better and by about noon it felt like it was escalating. So we decided that the kids would go to my in-laws and my husband would take me to the ER. Yes our Thanksgiving was spent in the ER getting a CT done which showed free fluid in my abdomen as well as another 2.2cm cyst. 

When they told me that they were sending me home I was partly relieved but also just broke out into tears. I was so overwhelmed with pain because even the morphine they had given me barely helped and I just felt so discouraged that I would be going home; I was worried that the pain would not get any better. I do pretty well at sharing how I feel however I do think that there are parts that I tend to bottle up and hearing that just made it all come out. As I mentioned I have had so many ovarian cysts and there was a part of me that feels discouraged because I had gone over two years without a cyst occurring that I think I worry that I am going back to that time in my life where I experienced chronic pain and dealing with cysts on a regular basis. 

So here is where I am going to share the areas that I found encouragement. First of all, God knows what will happen before we do, and the fact that we wanted to plan a quieter slower Thanksgiving is such a blessing. We did not have to pivot many plans and try to rearrange things, our kids were still able to go to my in-laws and have a lovely holiday even though we could not be there. While we were in the hospital I was praying that the pain would stop and the medicine would finally help however I felt the Holy Spirit continue to remind me that Jesus experienced horrific pain here on Earth and He could relate to how I was feeling. It reminds me of Isaiah 41:10

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

So often in the the Bible we are told not to fear but that is followed up with the reminder that God is with us. Our perfect God came down from Heaven to Earth and experienced all of the things that we will go through in our life. The heaviness and emotional hurt I was feeling about Thanksgiving? Jesus went through that. The physical pain I was feeling? Jesus went through that. The discouragement I felt? Jesus has experienced that. I can turn to him with all of these feelings, I can turn to the Bible and find scripture to guide me through all of these things because our perfect God came as a human with human emotions and walked the Earth before going to the cross for you, me and all of us. 

Not only do we have scripture to encourage us but we also are meant to live in community so that we have others around us to support us and pray for us. I have had many people reaching out saying they are praying for me and us in this time and I feel those prayers. The weekend was difficult as I was basically bed ridden and that means that our kids watched so much TV they were going totally stir crazy, and my husband was taking over all the tasks that I would typically do around the house. It is always hard when one parent is feeling sick and certainly gives us an appreciation for what the other one does. 

I have a follow up appointment with my OB tomorrow where I hope to get some answers regarding the other cyst that was found in the CT scan and anything that I can do moving forward regarding other cysts that might come up. I am looking in to an AIP (autoimmune protocol) because while I do not have an autoimmune disease I do know that eating anti-inflammatory foods would help. I used to have endometriosis (I had surgery to remove end growth as well as a hysterectomy) so I am also unsure if these cysts are regrowth of that. I think there are just a lot of unknowns right now and part of me is worried that this will be leading back into what my life looked like when I was living with endometriosis. 

What I am going to be resting in over these next few weeks is God’s goodness and the knowledge that His plan is always better than my plan. The physical pain I experience can be sanctifying and put me in a place of surrender and prayer. I can allow God to work through any pain (emotional or physical) and see how He moves in my life. I am going to leave you with more scripture that I will be praying over these doctor appointments and days of healing and I pray that they can be ones you turn to as well. 

Overall, this holiday was not what I had planned for it, but often our plans and God's plans do not line up. The idea is to get myself in a place where I trust God's plan over all things and I believe that is right where He wants me to be.