A few years ago my husband and I were asked to be in the pilot class for parenting that would be offered at our church. I remember there was a discussion about what is caught vs taught and I remember thinking that wisdom would be something caught. I shared that I thought through modeling wisdom for our kids they would see how to be wise rather than us trying to “teach” them how to be wise. In my mind at that time I didn’t understand how wisdom could be taught because I thought it was more something you’d learn with age and experience. I remember that the couples leading the class very lovingly said “Oh believe me, you want to teach your kids wisdom or someone else will” It is surprising to me how in just two short years I am understanding that more and more. We were given the book Parenting With Scripture which has helped us lay a foundation for these conversations that need to go deeper. The book helps you to take small teachable moments and point back to what the Bible tells us. Jack and Eva are only 6 and 8 years old but I have seen how teaching them discernment and wisdom is very important. When you look up the definition for discernment it says “the ability to judge well”. This is absolutely something I want my kids to have as they are going out into the world. When Jack started kindergarten I had a realization that up to that point I knew all of the kids and parents he was hanging out with. But with starting at a new school where I did not know the kids (and therefore their parents), Jack was going to be having conversations and experiences that I had no control over. Which is a good thing! I want him to grow and have friendships and experiences, but it made me realize that I also need to be teaching him how to make good decisions (even when his mom and dad are not around). Parenting with Scripture has allowed us to take small moments of discipline and point back to what choice God would help us make. Using Parenting with Scripture and defining what shows good character has helped the kids understand if they are making good decisions at recess, in class, or conversations they have. A few times one of the kids has come home and told us about a conversation they had which requires us to dig deeper. One of the kids maybe shared about going to church that weekend and how fun it was, to which their friends said “I don’t believe you! Church doesn’t do that” or another time one of the kids came home and said “my friend told me boys can marry boys but they can’t have kids” These were conversations I needed to navigate with love and grace. Their friends aren’t bad kids and we don’t want to be judgmental of them because they believe something different than us, or maybe don’t have a relationship with church that equals fun. But I also want to teach my kids that they can judge things well. They can understand when they are hearing something and decide “does this align with what God would teach me, or not?” We want to teach our kids that they can trust God’s plan no matter what, even when it is hard. Which is going to happen in our world today, there are many things that do not align with God’s plan. But in those moments I want to teach them they can pray in their head and ask God for His help. My prayer would always be that the same Holy Spirit that helped Jesus, the same Holy Spirit that helps me, will also be the same Holy Spirit my kids turn to, because we have taught them that and modeled it for them. I told my kids that if their friends don’t believe the fun they have at church, they can always invite their friends to church! When they said “I don’t know the address!” I reminded them they know the name of our church and what city it is in. When we had the conversation about marriage I confirmed that yes, we do live in a state and country where men can marry men or women can marry women, but then we talked about what the Bible tells us about marriage. We used this opportunity as a time to begin the bigger conversation that there will be times in our lives where our country says is okay and what God says is okay will not always line up. But we always want to turn to prayer and ask God what He would want in our lives. There have been a few other instances where we have had to talk about discernment, they are not always been in depth but at this young age, I feel it is just planting the seeds for the harder conversations as they get older. My hope is to help equip my kids with prayer and knowledge of a God they can turn to and rely on each and every day as they get older and navigate what comes with growing up.
Blessings, Ellen
