We all have tough days, I know you know this. But sometimes it can feel so overwhelming and feel like either 1. Something is wrong with us as individuals or 2. The tough days will never end and it’s a funk that you just can not get out of. I have certainly had the days where everything is so hard, its melt down after melt down (from myself and the kids), everything is a fight, and you really just feel like it won’t get any better. Maybe you put in a lot of work for a playdate that gets rescheduled or you set up an activity thinking it will keep your kids entertained for a long time, and after a short period of time they are bored with it. Maybe it’s that you’re running late and have had to get the kids loaded and unloaded from the car multiple times in a day. Or the errands just seem to be taking a verrrrry long time.
When I was a younger mom I used to think I had to muscle my way through tough days because it was “what I had signed up for”. I had prayed and prayed for these children and always wanted to be a stay at home mom so it wouldn’t be fair for me to then complain about getting what I prayed for. I felt that since my prayers had been answered I needed to always have an answer or solution and relied on myself rather than pressing into God and the community around me. When I look at it now I can see that I was being very prideful and in doing so, wasn’t allowing my husband or those around me to help. It is such a blessing to help someone else and when acting like you can do it all, you take that opportunity away from others. It’s taken a lot of growth but I am here to tell you that trying to muscle through tough days does not work and that I no longer do that! Over the years, I have found some simple things that make all the difference and I am here to share them with you now.
- The first thing I do is PRAY! Since prayer is talking to God, you can pray in many different ways. Sometimes I am praying in my head quietly, just asking the Holy Spirit to fill me with peace and patience. I ask the Holy Spirit to fill me up because I am struggling and feeling weak. Sometimes this is praying out loud with my kids; I always include the ares in which we are all struggling and I start with what I am struggling with first. I also reach out to others for prayer, usually I reach out to my husband first. I will send him a message telling him what I am struggling with and asking for prayers, other times I reach out to other mom’s who I am dear friends with. Now I have heard many stories where mom’s pray out loud and get an immediate response, it doesn’t typically look like that for me. There are days where I am praying non stop! However it is always a caveat for a shift in how we feel and it’s the start of us working towards a more peaceful day.
- Sit down and play with them. I am so guilty of always trying to do many things all at one time, unfortunately my to-do list has taken away from time spent with my children and there are days where I really have to evaluate what kind of mom I am being. I can wrongly focus on all of the things I need to get done before anything else. Yes laundry needs to be folded, dishes need to get washed, floors need to be swept, but when my kids are melting down over and over while I am trying to force those other things to happen, I need to take a step back and just stop. It helps so much to just put everything down and play with the kids, it gives all of us joy and usually will help shift the kids towards their own play where I can adjust and make a more realistic list of what I can do that day.
- Sit down and read a book! I love reading to my kids, in fact I have a whole blog post on some of our favorite books and why I love reading to them. But when kids are fighting and crying or just having a tough time, I can’t tell you how much it helps to ask them to pick out a book and sit down to read with them. Everyone seems to just sink into the couch and feel calmer. Sometimes the kids will all pick out a book, other times it will just be one. This is also time when I love reading one of our emotions books because that leads to a conversation about how we are feeling. I did not list it in my other blog post but here is another emotions book that we all love. It is such a sweet story with very relatable experiences. Reading books about emotions even helps me to reflect on how I am struggling with my own emotions on a tough day.
- Watch a show with my kids: I emphasize the word with because this is a more recent focus I’m working on. Yes, our kids watch TV, but I do try to be intentional about when and why they watch TV. We also very much monitor the shows they watch because our kids can stumble upon some questionable shows in today’s world. All that to say, we are not a screen free household and I have gotten more okay with screen time over the years. Back in the days when I would try to muscle through a tough day I did everything I could to avoid putting a show on for my kids when we were feeling overwhelmed. Now I think about which is more harmful; all of us being upset and frustrated or them being in front of a TV. I will say though that now I sit down with them to watch something. I do not allow myself to sit there and aimlessly scroll on social media and zone out. We will pick out a show and watch it together! Much like with a book this usually leads to us chatting about the characters or the parts of the show we enjoyed.
- I make dessert! We have a dessert night each week where the kids know that no matter what, they are going to have dessert. But when we are having a tough day we will either grab some ice cream from the store to have after dinner or bake something yummy! I know my limits and if having the kids bake with me feels like too much, I do it myself. But if we are able to all work together to make cookies or cake, then we will! This is a great reason to always have baking staples and an active sourdough starter.
- Most importantly, I apologize and ask for forgiveness. I wish I could say that I never yell at my kids but I am human and it happens. Sometimes this causes me to feel so much shame and guilt but I always apologize and ask for forgiveness. It models for my kids what repentance looks like and I always explain to them that I am so grateful for God’s grace. It is a reminder that His grace does not run out and when we receive His grace, it helps us to be graceful with one another. The wonderful thing about kids is they are so quick to forgive and give a good hug.
Now I don’t always do all of these in one day! But I will say that the most important are the first and the last. I have had days where I go a very long time before asking for prayer, and once I finally do, I wonder why it took me so long! Tough days are ones for “praying without ceasing” because it is only through God’s strength and guidance that we can make it through. If you are having one of those days today, know that I am praying for you. And I hope you can sit down with a delicious cookie and a good book to regroup before finishing out your day.
Blessings, Ellen
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